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Posts Tagged ‘Worry’

Cannon Beach - October 2014

Cannon Beach – October 2014

 

It’s been a very long time since I posted here, after 8 years solid of blogging! And I didn’t even say goodbye or see you later! So here I am — and so happy I have something to share with you today.

Briefly, want to add where I’ve been — I went through a major transition last year. My differently-abled son moved on to adult supported living last spring. I became progressively more ill as the year went by. Thanks to my naturopath, I got back on the right course, and just in time for October of last year. This is when I went to a Dr. Joe Dispenza “Progressive Workshop”, and learned exactly how it is that I made my body sick.

After that workshop true life changes began to take shape. I’ve just attended his next level workshop, the “Advanced”, and this one went even deeper. His work continues to be life changing in ways I never even dreamed possible.

The challenge with blogging about his work though, is it’s not just an intellectual process of gathering information, it has to be felt and experienced. This is achieved through meditation. So it’s been difficult for me to write about his work in a meaningful way. Today I think I have something to share that will be impactful.

About meditation — frankly when I saw him the first time, I thought — love the man’s heart, love his work, but I don’t know about this daily, sitting for long periods, mediation crap. Yet a couple of weeks later, I would come to commit to two days a week of at least 45 minutes of sitting meditation. Within another couple of weeks, I was meditating daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Now, I can’t not do it!

I posted this on my Facebook timeline yesterday, and some people said they really needed to hear it. So I share this now with you all, with the desire that you too, will benefit from it.

Two quotes from the workshop:

“Is the omnipresent always present with you? Is it possible you are not present with it?” (This is the secret benefits of meditation!)

“Stop arguing for your heavy baggage.”

At one point, Dr. Fannin was on stage speaking. He’s a big brain scientist, likes to measure things (I don’t). But he said one thing that I loved:

“How many neurons over a lifetime *dedicated* to worry?” (or fear, or guilt, or limitation of any kind)

I sat up and took notice when he used the word “dedicate”. He did not say spent, because it’s not like you hand over your money and get nothing back. Oh no, this dedication is an *investment* in worry, it’s not useless or wasted energy at all! It’s being used thoroughly, but in all the wrong places.

With that in mind, if you are a stock investor would you invest in a crap stock that signals your body to downgrade itself? Because that’s exactly what happens when we think and blindly surrender to thoughts and feelings that kick out stress chemicals.

We do uniquely have free will, we have a choice about where we direct our attention and therefore energy. Meditation helps with this tremendously. Settling the nervous system back down, time and time again, so we can come to live life in a less reactive, more mindful manner. There’s more benefits to doing his particular brand of meditations, but for now this explanation will suffice.

Now … back to “how many neurons over a lifetime *dedicated* to worry?” So while Dr. Fannin is speaking, I’m writing a rampage of turn arounds, here’s a portion of it.

How about … how many neurons dedicated to …

learning something new?
doing the uncommon?
being surprised by life?
being curious?
feeling vital?
feeling fed by life?
being present?
feeling awed by life?
feeling inspired?
feeling passion?
having a sacred relationship with your God?
feeling in love with life?
being at ease?

Ok, your turn … so much more could be said and *lived* here! …

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“I could care less.”  It’s an interesting phrase, isn’t it?  Often used as sort of a flippant response to information that you’ve just received.   But the actual words contradict the intention behind uttering them.  In essence, one is actually saying that you *could* care less.  And this is where I begin, in caring too much and caring less.

Within the system of the Chinese Elements, there is the element of earth, yin and yang earth.  Yin earth is the archetype of Mother.  It’s the mother’s job to care, to nurture and to support.  This is a big part of who I am, yin earth, it’s in my core destiny, which is revealed in my birth date via the 9 star ki.  It’s also revealed in the shapes and curves of my particular facial features.

Every element has a front and a back, challenges and strengths.  We don’t get to choose just the strengths, but we do get to choose how we evolve through both the strengths and challenges.

Among the Mother’s or yin earth’s challenges:  caring too much to the point of excessive worry, worst case scenario type thinking, meddling in other people’s right and responsibility to figure things out for themselves, and trouble with just saying no sans the – omg, I said no, what will they think of me now – guilt hangover.  If I’m being completely frank here, welcome to my world!

My girl friend told me she was starting a 30 day process of caring less.  Caring less, is not to be without caring, but to care without the suffering.  This really piqued my interest.  When she feels overtly concerned about something, she tells herself – she could care less about this, and then finds and inhabits the feeling place in the body of caring less.  I would add breathe into the feeling place as if it’s a gentle wave lifting you up and carrying you into that sweet place of relief.

The next morning after she and I talked, I woke up and lay in bed.  This seems to be a time when I most kick into worry, worst-case scenario mode, followed by how-can-I-fix-this mode.  Truth is 99% of my worst-case scenario thinking a) either never comes true or b) is what 12 step calls stinkin’ thinkin’.  It’s just not true, period.  The other truth, if there’s any fixing to be done, unless I’ve got the power to spin the planets today (I checked, I don’t) get out of the way and let something far greater than me, reveal the greater picture.

And that leads me back to what I did that morning of worry.  I said to myself, I could care less, took a deep breath and imagined myself as if I was a camera with my focus up as close as it could possibly be.  Then I brought the focus back, back, back, as far as it could get.  Here, I could breathe even easier.

Another friend of mine once explained it as looking at a beautiful quilt hanging on a wall. Walk up to it and press your nose into one tiny square of that quilt, the beauty is lost in a blur, your nose hurts and you can’t breathe very well either :). Step back several feet and you can see the entire image of that tapestry we call life, clearly.

That tapestry is what’s mine and mine alone to live and experience. It’s as unique as my fingerprint and it has my fingerprints all over it. And something else is all over it, the hands of Divine Wisdom, carrying me every step of the way, even when I think I’m the only one with my hands on the levers of life.

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