Posts Tagged ‘Self Love’


Well, it’s almost Valentine’s Day and despite the title, I am not going to talk about Cupid.  However, I do want to touch on the concept of two arrows.  This is based on a Chinese proverb:

There are two arrows in life.  The first arrow is the one that hits you from some painful experience.  Perhaps it’s something you did or said, or something someone else did or said.  It’s that initial hurtful sting to the heart, that’s the first arrow.

The second arrow is the one that we keep shooting at ourselves again and again, re-living that pain or hurt.  One could say there are infinite second arrows, but not when we choose to live life consciously.

I took the proverb “to heart”.  Wrote it down on one of my homemade well being cards, and now I keep it in a prominent place.  I can go long periods where I don’t re-visit a painful event, and then suddenly there it is again — another shot to the heart.  Guess what?  It doesn’t feel good.  It’s not supposed to feel good!

Yet, there’s another way of being and engaging with life.  The shot to the heart comes, and rather then staying there and swirling in the pain yet again, I can say: ah, it’s the second arrow on a continuous loop of re-runs!  I choose now consciously, lovingly, kindly … not to go there.

It’s a simple — no, thank you.  Then turning back to my passion, my life, all that lights me up, and affirming — yes, thank you!

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Just for today
consider making
your singular intent

Let every word
every thought
every feeling
every deed
flow from

Just for today
dwell in self-Kindness
let yourself dissolve
into it, become one
with it

Then, be fragrant
as a garden

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Rest in peace, Whitney Houston.  This was my favorite song of hers, a song of self love and the importance of fostering this in children.  “Find your strength in love.”  I do and I will continue to.  Thank you for the time you lent us here.  You were among the greatest female singers of our time.

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Here’s a question from the weekly powerful question:

“How can I demonstrate my gratitude for a part of my body that I have judged as unattractive?”

Now before you even answer it, read this too:

“You may choose, of course, to work with the Question as you see fit. However, you might want to consider reflecting upon the Question without seeking a specific answer too quickly. If an answer is arrived at too soon, the answer is more likely to be based upon what you already know rather than what you might be able to discover over time.

Often times a Question itself can prepare you for something that is larger than you can now imagine or do. It can draw you more deeply into possibilities and the unknown rather than to an answer, particularly if the question is approached from the perspective of “what if” rather than “how.” You might, for example, ask yourself the Question at times when you are feeling emotions, such as fear, joy or sadness, and simply notice what you feel in your body or in your heart when you ask the Question. Then simply move on without attempting to come to an answer.

If you allow a question to maintain its creative tension, you might be surprised at what you discover!”

I love that on two levels, the powerful question and the asking to suspend a propensity to get in there and do something about it, adopt an easy fix, instead to be open to something beyond that first impulse.

If you watched the film What the Bleep Do We Know?!, you saw the main character write love notes on her body in the pivotal bathroom scene.  She wrote on the parts of her she previously saw as revolting.  Then she lay in the tub to soak these messages in.  I did that, too.  My kids, when they were younger, would exclaim to any body who’d listen: Mommy writes on her body. :)

There are parts of my body I’ve looked at and said yuk.  I’ve joked and said in my next life, I’ll come back with no cellulite.  But you know what — in this life all joking aside, I’m done with looking at myself physically, emotionally or otherwise and naming any part of me as bad, wrong, inadequate or not good enough.

These days, I walk a singular path and that’s the path of the heart.  This path only knows how to say yes.  Yes to life, yes to me, yes to love.  It doesn’t matter what word I write on my body or the sky for that matter, what matters most is a kiss of yes on my lips.  Yes to this precious physical vessel I have the privilege of inhabiting.  Yes to all of me.

A single put-down is a tiny insult to the framework of who we are.  Are you done with insults big and small to yourself?  I sure am.  I’m ready to embrace the many ways I now say yes to myself.

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Following on the heels of yesterday’s post, A Good Day, I wanted to write more on the theme of self love.  True, wholehearted self love is rooted in a fidelity with yourself.  It requires a commitment, a faithfulness and a willingness to not just know your truth but to live up to it.  This means that you make your choices not based on: is it wrong? is it right? is it good? is it bad? but … is it mine?  Is it mine to do? is it mine to give? is it mine to speak? is it mine to feel?  Is it?  Only you can know this.  These are your Truths and no one else’s.  If you’ve ever forsaken and abandoned yourself in deference to what you thought should be your truth, it’s never too late to write a new history.  Starting now you can renew your vow to be ever faithful to who you are and how you choose to show up in this world.  This is the “heart and soul” of self love.

I invite you to listen to this song below, Love’s Divine, by Seal as if it’s speaking to you on this very topic – the journey to honoring one’s self.

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

‘Cause I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don’t bend, don’t break
Show me how to live and promise me you won’t forsake
‘Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there’s nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

‘Cause I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don’t bend, don’t break
Show me how to live and promise me you won’t forsake
‘Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name

*this post is dedicated in appreciation to Holly Sorensen, amazing friend and mentor of sorts, who has taught me over the years, more about radical self love than anyone

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