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Archive for September 18th, 2011

Husbandry

The truth is revealed — I’m a specialist.  Yup.  I specialize in husbandry.  Not the animal kind, the homo-sapien kind.  I like to say I’ve been married more times than Marilyn Monroe but less than Elizabeth Taylor.  That way I maintain an alluring mystique surrounding all my marriages.  This is obviously a great deal more preferable than being perceived as just plain wacko.

I’m actually not wacko but I am wicked smart.  Few realize this is a fine art that has previously been limited to purchasing cars.  I wasn’t just marrying, divorcing and marrying again, I was trading up.  See, there’s a subtle but important distinction to be made here.

For years now, I’ve reserved the blog name, but never used it – “Husband Unturned”.  It stands for Leave No Husband Unturned, sort of like leave no rock unturned, but not.  I thought I could write a witty blog with pithy little one liners but alas I’m not that funny on a regular, recurring basis.

Now to be clear, I don’t steal other people’s husbands.  I only dated and married single men.  Your husbands are safe ladies.  Mine is a keeper any way.  He’s the luxury edition of husbandry even if we are the last people on the block to bring in our garbage cans.  A fact that causes me to redden with shame every Friday.  And all this time, he thought it was just my rosacea.

I add that, in hopes that he reads this blog post and maybe, just maybe I can hold my head up high in the neighborhood next Friday.  I know the King of the castle does not have to bring in the garbage cans but neither does the Princess.  But really if the King refuses to bring them in on Thursday night but brings them in on say, Friday night or Saturday, is he any more or less a King?  (Appealing to his logical, balanced nature always helpful — failing that, confuse him with nonsense.)

I’ll keep you posted on the garbage can situation in our home.  Meanwhile, he’ll always be a keeper in my heart.

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