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Archive for July, 2011

 

Lately, I’ve been putting a lot of focus on myself, which is why I took a blog sabbatical.  Regular readers know that my Dad died this year.  I also decided to get treatment for PTSD with neurofeedback.  That was my first choice. Then because my PTSD manifests in screaming out loud nightmares that wake my entire household, I also decided to seek a Jungian trained therapist.  When it comes to dream work, Jung was sheer brilliance.

In my neurofeedback sessions I get hooked up to these electrodes placed on my head and ears.  Then I wear earphones and sound gets piped in.  When I am in a “stuck” place in my brain, it gives me feedback in my ears that lets me know I’m in that stuck place.  From there, I choose where to journey, stay stuck or move somewhere new, though I have to say it doesn’t always feel a conscious choice.  It feels like the brain is journeying all on its own.

When I first started the neurofeedback, there were times it got very emotional.  Mostly, I’ve moved past that now and sometimes the sessions are a deep meditative experience.  Other times, though, I feel as if I am bouncing around in the ethers of the Universe, getting answers to questions I didn’t even know I had.  It’s as if a part of me takes off into a whole other realm of being.  Those are my favorite sessions, though they’ve kicked my butt every time, as I’ll be in brain exhaustion the rest of the day.  Then I will sleep like a baby those nights and awake renewed and filled with so much excitement around where my brain, my consciousness has been.

So in asking to understand more about how this all worked, my naturopath was explaining to me about synapses and such and that stuck *ANYTHING* including stuck happiness is not optimal use of the brain.  I started to ponder that and it makes sense. If this is an expansion based Universe, of course this has to be true.  Something stuck doesn’t create new pathways, it hinders it.  So even though it’s been said we can never truly be stuck, in the brain, I think there’s lots of ways energy, vibration, synapses, what have you, can become stuck.  What The Bleep illustrated this perfectly in the wedding reception scene with people dancing with the various IV’s, their emotional drugs of choice.

It just really kind of blew my mind that even being stuck in happiness is not optimal use of the brain.  And that leads me to a whole new place to stand in with lots of new options.  Really calls into question the old Abe edict: nothing is more important than I feel good.  I love Abraham Hicks and a hundred other teachers but I’m starting to think maybe I’ll drink my own koolaid for awhile.  The measure of my life is not just in my joy or happiness, it’s infinitely so much more than just that.

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These are two recent quotes I received that I love, courtesy of livinglifefully.com.

Grace is a word which is pregnant with so much divine power and glory that it defies definition.  In brief, it may be described as the love and power of God. Such a love is ever pouring on all humankind, nay, on all creation, because this love and power dwells in and permeates all animate and inanimate objects.

Papa Ramdas

The moment you want to make progress is the moment you become an eternal beginner.  The dawn is the beginning of a new day:  it symbolizes hope, illumination, and perfection.  Every day the dawn plays the role of the beginner.  It begins its journey at daybreak and ends its journey in the infinite sun.  If you can feel that your whole being ˜your body, vitality, mind and soul˜ represents the ever-blossoming dawn, then you will always remain an eternal beginner.

Sri Chimnoy

I absolute adore the concept of eternal beginner.  Meeting life with a beginner’s mind, one that is curious, open in heart and mind, teachable — to live this, is its own reward.

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Loss (10+)

 

1.    Feeling fear in the middle of the night
2.    pushing it away, then breathing into it
3.    asking to know what lies beneath the fear
4.    understanding it’s almost always about loss of something
5.    a something that feels precious or even necessary to me
5.    feeling compassion for the me who believes in this loss
6.    knowing still there’s a broader me that doesn’t experience loss
7.    witnessing how being tender with myself helps me befriend loss
8.    and ultimately allows it to flow and be released
9.    knowing I may dance with loss again, “real” or imagined
10.  asking in those moments that I may be willing again
11.  to cherish the soft underbelly of my human-ness

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1.    Contemplating the shape and form of this life today
2.    may I travel lightly
3.    may I honor the sacred expression of everything
4.    may I be devoted to kindness
5.    may I be enhanced by all that I encounter
6.    may softness take root wherever un-forgiving once was
7.    may I be led through the opening beyond the closing
8.    may I bear witness to your holiness as well as mine
9.    may I remain curious, willing, open, teachable
10.  then fill my dreams tonight with the irrepressible truth
11.  the language of love spills itself out everywhere

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1.    watching Notebook last night
2.    bawling at the end
3.    yes, read me the story if I ever forget
4.    about anything
4.    about how precious life is
4.    how temporary
5.    how I want to fill each moment
6.    knowing it’s sacred
7.    it’s a gift
8.    absolutely beyond all gifts
9.    read me the story
10.  how I came here unafraid, innocent and eager
11.  how I threw my arms around life
12.  rubbed my face in the deliciousness of all of it
13.  left my prints wherever I went
14.  and wept filled with the gratitude for it all

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