“Non-identification … stop taking the experience as me or mine We inquire of every state or experience: is this who I really am? We see the tentativeness of this identity, then we are free to let go and rest in awareness itself. This is what Buddhist psychologists call the abode of awakening, the end of clinging. True peace. Nirvana. No longer bound by fears and illusions of the small sense of self.” Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart
I’ve been listening to the audio version of this book. I do highly recommend this book though I would think twice about buying the audio version. He’s not the liveliest speaker I’ve come across. Sorry, Mr. Kornfield!
So, I’ve actually been using the question … is this who I really am? … for any unwanted feeling. It’s a great tool to disengage from that feeling before I become emotionally flooded in a whirlwind of attendant thoughts. Try it the next time you feel fear or jealousy or anxiety, for instance. Notice where you are headed and ask yourself: is this who I really am? Most of the time your answer will be – no, it is not.
Most of the time. I hit upon one exception so far. Asked the question and I received the immediate response of yes. This was very telling about what I take to be real. Rather than wrestle that baby to the ground, I’ll lead with — just for now, that’s how it is. That’s another concept mentioned by Jack Kornfield. It’s a radical acceptance. Seems there’s always so much resistance to what is unwanted it starts a perpetual dance of push, pull where nothing really changes. Jack Kornfield terms this resistance, flavors of “the wish it weren’t so”. Yet it is, so why not accept it, just for now, or as they say in 12 step, Just for Today.
I think I’ll add to “just for now” an open curiosity. In the same manner that I can witness or watch myself in a dream, I can do this consciously — witness with non-attachment in the awake state. I can ask myself — what is it like to believe this? Where do I feel it in the body? What thoughts belong to this belief? How do those thoughts feel?
And finally … Where is my Spirit in all of this? This gently leads me back to the original question — is this who I really am? I already feel a softening of beliefs. An opening has been created into what is possible, and what was taken to be the truth, begins to quietly fall away.
It sounds as though the author, Mr. Kornfield has either been trained in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) or has experienced it first hand. These are all important concepts in DBT, especially radical acceptance…
I don’t know Sydney. I think he’s trained as a Buddhist psychologist and runs a Buddhist spiritual center. The term “radical acceptance” is not from Kornfield’s book though. I just threw it in there. :) A former mentor of mine used the term “radical”.
DBT sounds interesting. So many things to explore!
Radical acceptance might not be in the book… but its certainly in his teachings! Nice post
Thank you so much for your comments. And, I appreciate the clarification of his teachings. This book is my first journey into his works.
You really write beautifully you know….you always have…but I notice now that like someone building up their muscles…the longer you have written the more I can appreciate the beautiful, strong, yet delicate shape of your bi-ceps.
Thank you, sweet Amy. I never considered myself a writer, though I always enjoyed writing. It was your encouragement, a couple of years ago, saying you especially enjoyed my blog when I wrote something beyond posting quotes. You were the impetus to write more. I do think it is a muscle that develops then, like anything. I’ll have to check out those biceps now. :)
P.S. did you get to read the tipping point post? that is my favorite thing I’ve written in a long time, it was an instant download.