Been listening to Abe, the most recent, for just a bit today. I wondered how long I was going to poke around in the problem/solution before I was done. Then I thought I better quit poking unless I want said problem/solution bigger.
Then of course it occurs to me this “better quit poking” is all about control/fear. I cop to all of it being about control/fear. I get up in the middle of the night, open the shades to check outside and make sure there isn’t what? a boogeyman out there. Some new contrast to come bite me in the ass, when I’m not looking, so if I look it will bite less? :)
This whole idea that I have to glean some message out of what happened, learn the lesson, grok it, understand it, make sure I expand out of it, is also all about control/fear. As if, if I really get the lesson, I pass go and I won’t be sent back to contrast jail. Perhaps I’ll visit but I won’t miss my turn. So there. :)
I am still poking around, I guess. When my Mom said don’t touch the stove, it’s hot, I had to check to make sure. However, this is not the same as putting my hand in the fire. I am just checking/poking around in temperature levels, got that Universe? Good.
Bless my little pea-pickin’ fearful self. What I really want to do is pluck the full ripe blossoms and let the juices spill out over the corners of my mouth. I want pea-pickin’ fearful girl to fall away and slip off of me like so much of nothing.
