“… flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move in …” ~ Rilke
I was noticing that trust and truth share the first three letters “tru”. I went searching for the origins and etymology of both words, trust and truth, and found that they share in common one word — faithful. I began to explore then how trust and truth might be linked and to what and whom is it that I am faithful.
Recently I’ve written about how I’ve diminished my own authority in the world. This is to not trust in the truth of who I am, it is instead to negate it. And here’s the rub: I have so much authority that I even have the authority to diminish my own authority. I have had all the authority all along. I am the author of my life. I have the power to play it small or play it big. I have the power to make myself weak or strong, meek or bold, broken or whole. I can choose to self censor and diminish myself. I can choose its opposite too.
So I’ve been playing a little game of smoke and mirrors. I’ve been so powerful I could pretend I was weak. It’s a myth I have created that I was ever less than, a myth of my own making. I have both the power to bind myself in chains and the power to relieve myself of them, too.
I had it a bit backwards when I said in my 30 day challenge I would speak my truth, I would honor it, I would not defer it, explain it or stuff it. I put the proverbial cart before the horse. Guess what? I can’t really know my truth until I know myself. And I mean “know” myself in terms of not denying myself. This means trusting in a greater truth, trusting in the fullness, the wholeness of all that I really am and remaining faithful to that truth.
Joseph Campbell has said the privilege of a lifetime is in being who you are. I am feeling that life is too short for me to deny myself that privilege even for one moment longer.
