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Archive for June 21st, 2010

“… flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move in …” ~ Rilke

I was noticing that trust and truth share the first three letters “tru”.  I went searching for the origins and etymology of both words, trust and truth, and found that they share in common one word — faithful.  I began to explore then how trust and truth might be linked and to what and whom is it that I am faithful.

Recently I’ve written about how I’ve diminished my own authority in the world.  This is to not trust in the truth of who I am, it is instead to negate it.   And here’s the rub: I have so much authority that I even have the authority to diminish my own authority.  I have had all the authority all along.  I am the author of my life.  I have the power to play it small or play it big.  I have the power to make myself weak or strong, meek or bold, broken or whole.  I can choose to self censor and diminish myself.  I can choose its opposite too.

So I’ve been playing a little game of smoke and mirrors.  I’ve been so powerful I could pretend I was weak.  It’s a myth I have created that I was ever less than, a myth of my own making.  I have both the power to bind myself in chains and the power to relieve myself of them, too.

I had it a bit backwards when I said in my 30 day challenge I would speak my truth, I would honor it, I would not defer it, explain it or stuff it.  I put the proverbial cart before the horse.  Guess what?  I can’t really know my truth until I know myself.  And I mean “know” myself in terms of not denying myself.  This means trusting in a greater truth, trusting in the fullness, the wholeness of all that I really am and remaining faithful to that truth.

Joseph Campbell has said the privilege of a lifetime is in being who you are.  I am feeling that life is too short for me to deny myself that privilege even for one moment longer.

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