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Archive for May 12th, 2010

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Apparently all that deep inner work happened rather quickly.  It is within hours of my last blog post, Feel the Fear, that I updated a group of Internet gal pals on my progress.  I’ll quote that directly below and then add to it.

“Dawn came to Bethie today.  First it started with it’s ok to feel the fear.  Or insert whatever emotion in that.  Next it was waves of nausea.  I pushed against it, until dawn came to Bethie and I said it’s ok to throw up and every time a wave came I rode the wave and just kept saying it’s ok to throw up.  Now the next dawn that came to me: it’s ok to have nightmares.  It never was ok to have them.  Never have I embraced them.  Tonight when I lay my head down on that pillow, I’ll say it again — it’s ok to have nightmares.  That’s it, see non-physical is popping the cork even now, I feel it in my goosebumps.  They are jumping up and down yelling yippee, she gets it, she gets it.  SHE GETS IT.  Embrace it all, love it all, don’t push, hide, stuff any of it.  Let it be in the wide open spaces, just let it be.  She gets it!! Hallelujah!”

Oh yes, did I mention I get nightmares?  No, probably not.  I was hiding them.  Nope, no more.  I’d even go so far as to say I get to have nightmares now.  No more pushing anything away.  In the nightmares I replay allowing others to usurp my personal authority.  It’s something I unwittingly gave others permission to do in “real” life, too.

Do you remember that game we used to play as kids — Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose.  Well, it’s as if I’ve been playing a version of it — Wanted, Wanted, Wanted, Unwanted …. woops, unwanted get up and run, flee from it!  Nothing, including allowing others to usurp my personal authority can be healed as long as I’m fleeing from it.

Well guess what happens when you don’t get up and flee from it, you find out its not the big scary monster in the closet you thought it was after all.  There might even be a treasure or two tucked in the hairy hand of the once scary monster — learning that fleeing from anything is the very same thing as usurping my OWN personal authority.

One little phrase: It’s OK to feel _______, it’s OK to have _______, it’s OK to say no to________, it’s OK to cry.  It’s OK, it’s OK, all of it was always OK.  I was just dreaming a dream, that it wasn’t OK.  That darkened tunnel I just walked through was surrounded in the Light the whole time.

I remember this is exactly what I wrote about weeks ago.  I met a British gal named Lori at a conference.  When she spoke of the possibility of cancer and the accompanying fear she felt, she said to herself — clearly, I want to have this experience.

Well, clearly I had to come to this conclusion on my own and with my own experience and language for it.  Now it’s like writing myself a free and clear permission slip to have it all.  It’s how I’ll step out into the world now, sampling the full smorgasbord of life.  My channels wide open and set to receive.  It’s all good, it’s all God.  I am God in expression.  I am pure love.  I see me!  I do, I really do.  And I do see you, too.  Namaste, Jaibhagwan and Aloha.

I leave you with a short quote from A Course in Miracles and one more comment after that:

“Look not upon the little wall of shadows.  The sun has risen over it.  How can a shadow keep you from the sun?  No more can you be kept by shadows from the light in which illusions end.  Every miracle is but the end of an illusion.  Such was the journey, such its ending.  And in the goal of truth which you accepted must all illusions end.

There is a hush in Heaven, a happy expectancy, a little pause of gladness in acknowledgment of the journey’s end.”

And following the hush in non-physical, comes a round of applause, the cork popping and the champagne flowing, glasses clinking in toasts and the happy dance that looks like the minuet, or the Charleston, or the Watusi, or the Bump — just depends what century or decade you last visited.  I kind of like the Bump myself.  Happy days, happy trails, and a happy, happy journey to us all.

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