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Archive for April, 2010

Image by Beth!

It was April Fool’s Day and the Universe was having its way with me.  I was seated at my desk, when I was startled by a noise to my left.  It was my cat, the littlest of my cats, maybe a 5 pounder.  She was on the window screen, spread eagle, holding on by all four paws. The only problem, she was on the outside of the screen and it was a nice drop below her since she was two stories above the ground.

My heart pounding, I asked to no one in particular, since I was alone: what do I do?!  And the answer that came clearly was “do nothing”.  I did nothing.  I watched her let go one paw at a time.  At the point that she was dangling by one last paw, I knew then I had to turn away.  Turn away both literally and figuratively.  I had to look elsewhere so that I wouldn’t give myself to the unwanted conclusion, the worst case scenario.

I heard a thump.  I walked up to the screen and peered through it.  I don’t know how it happened.  There really should have been only one place for her to land and that was straight down.  A few feet to her side is a jutting out of the house, I have no idea how she swung over there but she did.  The physics, logistics of it make no sense.  There she stood looking up at me.  Next, I did do something – I removed the screen and pulled her in!

This was one of those love notes from the Field.  It presents itself as an unusual occurrence but hidden within it, is instruction.  Information, guidance or direction that is relevant to something going in our lives right now.  Sometimes these unusual occurrences take the form of a problem that we get lost in and then lose access to that guidance and information.  The Field is in constant conversation with us, met with non-resistance, so much can be revealed.

In the case of what happened here, I was waiting to hear whether I would be approved for something I was really, really wanting.  I wondered – should I do more, should I say more?  I also remembered in the past when I had been denied the very thing I was now waiting to hear, might this time I be approved.

The love note from the Field was, this thing you are wanting … do nothing.  But there’s more, the rest of that phrase is do nothing and everything will be done.  I think that is a Buddhist quote.  Yes, everything will be done with a certain provision, that I wasn’t giving myself to unwanted conclusions or worst case scenarios.  I took the guidance and rested in: do nothing *and* do not give myself to unwanted conclusions.  Then … everything will be done.  In good time, the approval did come.

The Field/Universe/God/Source/Spirit will bend over backwards to surprise and delight us in ways that beat all odds, even ways that seem to bend the laws of logistics.  It loves to show off for us.  And what it says to me most of all, is that we are never alone, even when we are “physically” alone, we are heard, we are answered.  All that remains is that we open the door and give right of way to an efficiency and a resourcefulness that is far greater than our own.

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tetons-snake-river

We’ve all had them – challenges and circumstances that leave their unforgettable impact and change us forever.  Abraham aptly terms it: the contrast.

I would like to believe that we have chosen the contrast on some level before we ever fully emerged into these bodies.  I don’t believe we chose the specifics of it so much as the generalities.  I do believe we chose it before we were capable of feeling fear and before we formed individual ideas of what’s good and what’s bad or even what’s right and what’s wrong.

The beautiful thing about making peace with having chose it all on some level is that I don’t have to understand why – just know that whatever it is, I chose it. This is a far more empowering feeling than the victim stance of this happened to me and I have no control over it and it sucks.  And I feel it’s even more empowering than searching for positive aspects in certain situations where I just can’t come by it honestly.

I actually dreamed one night about someone very close to me who is a heroin addict.  I dreamed we were in non-physical and talking about how we were going to come down to earth in these bodies and have this relationship with each other.  We spoke eagerly about this adventure we were going to have and there was this sense that this undertaking meant lots of challenges with thrilling twists and turns.  But there was no fear, no judgement at all about it, the only feeling was one of enthusiastic anticipation.

The dream scene then changed and we were in physical bodies here on earth.  We were in a small boat on a river and we were still happily awaiting the contrast we were about to experience.  Then the water became choppy, darkness descended and one of us was thrown overboard into the water.  At that moment, the drama began to unfold and we were both lost in the dream.  We forgot the initial agreement we made in non-physical.  We become immersed and lost both literally and metaphorically in the water, in the dream I was dreaming, in the drama.

The dream ends but leaves behind its message: this was all a choice and from your non-local vantage point, you were not afraid, nor did you say this is a good pile of things to experience and this is a bad pile of things to experience.  You wanted it all.  You didn’t just come to paint with the color yellow, you didn’t just come to ride the smooth train from point A to point B.  You did want it all.  And remembering this, I step out of immersion and I make peace with where I am and what I have lived and will live.  Making peace, I pass from moving against the current of life to moving with the current of life.

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Heart Home

It’s a very unlikely duo in this short video, illustrating how the heart knows no bounds.  Mind can take us somewhere else, but the heart will always lead us home.

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Recently I expressed to my teacher and mentor, Philip Golabuk, that as a facilitator, I could now declare that I was *that* Alice.  I was referring to the movie we have both seen and loved, Alice in Wonderland.  Alice isn’t sure she is The Alice, until far into the movie.  The Mad Hatter knows but she’s got doubts.  There’s a pivotal moment when she no longer doubts, she knows, she is *that* Alice.

And so it goes with being a facilitator, you get certified and then you go on into real life and do the practicum and practice what really is art in motion and its a different work of art every time.  Basically I was declaring I was a practiced artist by saying I am now *that* Alice.  Once I’d declared that, a piece of me felt like high five-ing myself for the courage to be that and to speak it out loud.

A much smaller part of me said: really, we’ll just have to see about that.  Doubt.  Here I had picked up the thread of doubt and like a loose thread on the hem of my shirt, I kept on pulling and unraveling until I was in a heap of doubt.

But, wait, there’s good news here!  If I can grab the thread of doubt, an unwanted feeling, and run with it, then it’s opposite is true!  I can finger the thread and unravel the flip side of doubt.  Hell, I don’t have to pick up a thread of it’s opposite, I can put the whole damn coat on!

Enter the Coat of Many Feelings.  My friend Ahmee inspired me when she spoke of how she puts on the coat of Freedom.  What a concept!

So I took *that* Alice’s coat and I slipped my arms into it one at a time, pulling each end up until it sat upon my shoulders.  I looked down, I was wearing a tawny colored coat, medium weight, high collar, button down (many buttons), fitted at the waist and then it flared out from there.  Finished off at the hem and sleeve ends was fluffy faux fur.  No animals sacrificed here!  It appeared to be Edwardian style.  It was Alice’s coat!  Next I caught the wave of the feelings that went with *that* Alice’s coat.  The feelings I’d already known and felt.  The courage, the complete confidence, the strength, the knowing.  I settled into it until I knew I had caught the feeling again.  Then I took it off; it’s work was done.  And frankly, a girl’s got to move freely when she’s slaying jabberwockies.  :)

Then I thought of all that this could be used for.  How about the coat of creativity and inspiration?  The coat of – I believe in myself.  Or my favorite, the coat of — I am in love with life.  Oh when I put that coat on the whole world shimmers like every day is a sunny, spring day, the world is alive and vibrating, I am alive.  I know the full out joy and the rapture of being alive!

Anytime, anywhere I can put on any coat I want to, so take that doubt sitting over there fingering the loose threads of a hem, I’ve got the whole damn coat!  And more than that I know how to catch the wave of what turns me on, what lights me up, what makes my heart sing, what makes me swoon with delight.  I’ve got the power and don’t mess with me, because now I’ve got the coat, too!!

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My inner Bethie jumped up and down with excitement when I decided to post the Wisdom of the Moody Blues.  Yay, it’s a Moody Blues love fest!  I’ve loved this musical group for eons and was able to see them in concert twice.  First when they were at the height of their career and again just last year out here at Chateau St. Michelle winery.

For the first concert, I spent the day in Denver, exploring the city, as I lived in Colorado at the time.  That day I had one song I kept singing in my head and out loud every chance I got, “Tuesday Afternoon”.  And sure enough, when the concert began that was the song they opened with.  It blew my mind and frankly I haven’t been the same since!

What I loved about the Moody Blues was equally the music and the lyrics.  This was not “baby, oooh, baby I love you” music.  No, their music was deep and thoughtful and poetic.  It was as if they were asking the questions I was back then and to some extent, answering them.  Their music was seductive in ways that “baby, I love you” music could never be for me.  Now it’s a few decades later and their music still casts a spell on me.

Here are some of my favorite songs and lyrics and somewhere in these posts, I will throw in a youtube video or two for the curious and the rest who, like me, have never tired of them.

Something there outside
Says we’re only
In the hands of time
Falling slowly
It’s there for us to know
With love that we can go
Burn slowly the candle of life
(Candle of Life)

* * *

Time waits for no one my love
No, not even you
You thought you’d seen it all before
You really thought you knew

I’ve shattered the illusion
Of forture and of fame
I’m waking up
I’m reaching up
I’m getting up from this game
Oh no… don’t leave me driftwood
On the shore
Oh no… don’t, don’t leave me driftwood
On the shore…
(Driftwood)

* * *

The mist is lifting slowly
I can see the way ahead
And I’ve left behind the empty streets
That once inspired my life
And the strength of the emotion
Is like thunder in the air
‘Cos the promise that we made each other
Haunts me to the end

I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere
I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere you can hear my voice
I know I’ll find you somehow
Somehow, somehow
I know I’ll find you somehow
And somehow I’ll return again to you

The secret of your beauty
And the mystery of your soul
I’ve been searching for in everyone I meet

You see I know you’re out there somewhere
O yes I know you’re out there somewhere
You see I know I’ll find you somehow
O yes I know I’ll find you somehow

the words that I remember
From my childhood still are true
That there’s none so blind
As those who will not see
And to those who lack the courage
And say it’s dangerous to try
Well they just don’t know
That love eternal will not be denied

I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere
I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere you can hear my voice
I know I’ll find you somehow
Somehow, somehow
I know I’ll find you somehow
And somehow I’ll return again to you

Yes I know it’s going to happen
I can feel you getting near
And soon we’ll be returning
To the fountain of our youth
And if you wake up wondering
In the darkness I’ll be there
My arms will close around you
And protect you with the truth

I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere
I know you’re out there somewhere
Somewhere you can hear my voice
I know I’ll find you somehow
Somehow, somehow
I know I’ll find you somehow
And somehow I’ll return again to you
(I Know You’re Out There Somewhere)

Isn’t love strange
A word we arrange
With no thought or care
Maker of despair
Each breath that we breathe
With love we must weave
To make us as one

Isn’t life strange
A turn of the page
A book without light
Unless with love we write;
To throw it away
To lose just a day
The quicksand of time

Wished I could be in your heart
To be one with your love
Wished I could be in your eyes
Looking back there you were
(Isn’t Life Strange)

* * *

Where is this place that we have found
Nobody knows where we are bound
I long to hear, I need to see
Cos I’ve shed tears too many for me

On the wind soaring free
Spread your wings
I’m beginning to see
Out of mind far from view
Beyond the reach of a nightmare come true

Well I’ve had dreams enough for one
And I got love enough for three
I have my hopes to comfort me
I got my new horizons out to sea

But I’m never going to lose your precious gift
It will always be that way
Cos I know I’m going to find my own peace of mind
Someday…
Someway…
(New Horizons)

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I was watching the tree tops sway as the wind passed through them.  I could see how natural it was for the trees to bend and give with the wind, it reminded me of an earlier conversation with someone we had about yielding to life.  I talked with my husband about this yielding and he offered more examples of it.  The conversation led to sidewalks and why they are built in segments instead of just big long blocks of cement.  The lines in between that divide the sidewalks into segments serve as expansion joints to allow for the contraction and expansion of the cement.  Next he explained how very tall skyscrapers are designed to sway in the wind like trees and how you can feel this gentle sway if you’ve ever been in the very top levels of a skyscraper in a strong wind.  If they weren’t built this way they could potentially collapse in the face of strong wind.  Our conversation then moved to power lines and how they are built with sag in the wire and are not pulled straight and taut.  This, too, is to allow for expansion and contraction without adding stress.  And finally, we spoke of what happened when the infamous Tacoma Narrows bridge collapsed, as you see in the youtube excerpt above, when it met with strong winds.  One explanation is that it was built out of solid, immovable steel, in essence without the ability to yield in the presence of strong wind.

So it seems that yielding with contraction and expansion seems to be necessary with many things.  We feel contraction and expansion, too, especially during times of great contrast.  Yet what happens when we resist that contrast?  It’s often not a very pleasant, feel good experience.  Yet when we are willing to yield and bend like the tree tops, to give ourselves over to trusting in a Universe to orchestrate things on our behalf, when we are willing to bend, to lean into, to allow, to surrender even, a palpable relief sweeps over us.  We relax, we cease the endless attempts at figuring things out and banging things into place.  We let go of worry and concern.  We become moveable, bendable, we soften and situations respond in kind.  What once seemed so challenging now seems more flexible and pliant.  We trust and like everything else we gently sway and lean into life and find our needs cared for after all, with little or no effort on our part.

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for my sister, amy callan

 

there’s some part of me
that won’t be contained

she rises up while I sleep
skips down the hallway

floats down stairs
and slips out the door

she lives a life unknown to me
hasn’t learned a thing since grade school
couldn’t tell you the time of day or night

but she knows a life well lived
she dances on tables
her hair is never in place

and if you ask her the key to a happy life
she’ll tell you:

fling the doors wide open
on the fire that burns inside you

©heartsdeesire

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