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Archive for July 10th, 2008

Dispassionate – Pronunciation [dis-pash-uh-nit]
free from or unaffected by passion; devoid of personal feeling or bias; impartial; calm.

Impartial, calm and free!   I never thought I could or would find value in lack of passion.
Passion in the sense of being caught up and swirling in emotion.  Never really realizing
that every emotion I choose and every circumstance that elicits and supports that emotion
is also my choosing.

I am a big fan of What the Bleep and really took a closer look at it this past winter in the Rabbit
Hole version which is many more hours of scientist interviews and different cuts of the movie.
Remember how the character that Marlee Maitlin played would go into the theater of her life and
watch different versions of who she was in her life and how her life played out.  Remember that
she was a largely dispassionate witness in the theater as she chose a version of being one who
marries an unfaithful man, one who believes that all men are cheaters and marriage is bad.
Remember how much she didn’t want to photograph that wedding and how she chose to overlay
her experience that the groom cheated on his new wife.  How everything she chose in her experience
reflected and supported her beliefs.  Then later we see Marlee’s character watch another version
of herself one who is content and happily married, after she’s had that pivotal bathroom scene where
she returns to what is beautiful, loveable and worthy about herself.

So the knowledge that we are choosing it all has not been quite enough for me.  But here’s what is
helping me to take it to another level, seeing the circumstances in my life that I’ve chosen and all the
players in it and putting them up there, in my mind’s eye, on the screen in the theater of my life.
And then stepping back, dispassionately with a simple question: what do I gain by playing this movie?
What role do the players take to support this gain?  And I’m not talking about gain in the usual sense
but more in the sense of what is the payoff here for me to continue choosing this?  And then from that
honest inquiry of myself, deciding what it is I consciously want to put up there in my movie.  What role
do I play – who am I?  And then stepping into that movie.  It’s a very conscious, deliberate practice and
one I’m only just embarking on.  The material that I’ve been working with over at The Field Center has
been helping me to take this to another level.  My appreciation and gratitude goes out to Holly S. for
introducing me to it and to myself for being such a big Asker and being eternally committed and willing
to step into the Answers.

Love, Bethie

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