So…back to our regular scheduled programming.  I’m a bit Johnny-come-lately or should I say Bethie-come-lately on this, since the song has been out for many months now, but how much do I love Beyonce’s song – Halo.  When I sing the lyrics, it’s not the love of my life I’m addressing, for me, it’s God, Spirit.  It’s the Beloved with a capital “B”.  It is such a beautiful way to tap into Spirit, to sing — “everywhere I’m looking now, I’m surrounded by your embrace …  it’s like I’ve been awakened … you hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night … you know you’re my saving grace, you’re everything I need and more”.

And yes there was a time, actually many times when I’d thought I’d go it alone.  Sometimes I thought, hey God, I’ve got this one handled.   Other times I just forget to lean on Spirit altogether only to find myself humbled again at the pure ecstacy of standing in the light, the love and the all encompassing perfection of Spirit.

This youtube version below was adapted for the Hope For Haiti now project several months ago.  What a beautiful demonstration of love to sing to an entire nation – I can see your halo.  What if we said to everyone we met today, silently or otherwise – I can see your halo.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they’re tumbling down
And they didn’t even put up a fight
They didn’t even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It’s like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
It’s the risk that I’m takin’
I ain’t never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I’ve been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin’
The risk that I’m takin’
I’m never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Songwriters: Bogart, Evan Kidd; Knowles, Beyonce Gisselle; Tedder, Ryan Benjamin

I was in nursing school.  My schedule was hectic and beyond busy.  Stan called one day.  I wasn’t at home.  I often wondered if things would have been different had I been home to take that call.  A few days later, he ran a tube from his car’s muffler into his bedroom and died.

Before his death, he had trouble sleeping.  I loaned him a Judy Collins album to help him sleep.  On it, Leonard Cohen’s song: Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye.  He still had the album when he died.  What I wanted to say to him then and still do, is exactly that — hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

Although I fault you not for what you felt you had to do and I imagine your hair upon the pillow in an eternal “sleepy golden storm” … forever there, forever loved, forever remembered.  “You know my love goes with you, as your love stays with me, it’s just the way it changes like the shoreline and the sea.”

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it’s come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I’m not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it’s just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,
but let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

~Leonard Cohen~

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she’s half crazy
But that’s why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you’ve always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you’ve touched her perfect body with your mind.

And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said “All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them”
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you’ll trust him
For he’s touched your perfect body with his mind.

Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she’s touched your perfect body with her mind.

Come, come, whoever you are
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving

Come, come, whoever you are
This isn’t a caravan of despair

And it doesn’t matter if you’ve broken your vows
a thousand times before

And yet again, come again, come, and yet again, come
‘Cause it doesn’t matter if you’ve broken your vows
a thousand times before

Come again, come, come again
~Rumi~

I invite you to listen to this song below, Love’s Divine, by Seal as if it’s speaking to you on this very topic – the journey to honoring one’s self.

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

‘Cause I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don’t bend, don’t break
Show me how to live and promise me you won’t forsake
‘Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there’s nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

‘Cause I need love, love’s divine
Please forgive me now I see that I’ve been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don’t bend, don’t break
Show me how to live and promise me you won’t forsake
‘Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name

*this post is dedicated in appreciation to Holly Sorensen, amazing friend and mentor of sorts, who has taught me over the years, more about radical self love than anyone

My favorite line is: there is a moment when fear and dreams must collide. We have all had those moments though perhaps only in hindsight can we get a sense of the pivotal moment when fear and dreams intersected. When courage and the unknown awaited us and so did the familiarity and safety of what is known and comfortable. Which would prevail? Sometimes the choice looms big and as yet unreachable. Sometimes it takes a huge leap of faith. Yet, it’s only ever a choice that we make for something.

So the next time you take that leap of faith and fall into the unknown, may you know that the one you will become, will be there to catch you.

Let me fall
Let me climb
There’s a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won’t heed your warnings
I won’t hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There’s no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall

Cirque du Soleil lyrics
Album: Quidam

People ask me how I make music.
I tell them I just step into it.
It’s like stepping into a river and joining the flow.
Every moment in the river has it’s song.
So I stay in the moment and listen.
What I hear is never the same.
A walk through the woods brings a light, crackling song:
Leaves rustle in the wind, birds chatter and
Squirrels scold, twigs crunch underfoot,
and the beat of my heart holds it all together.
When you join the flow, the music is inside and outside,
and both are the same.
As long as I can listen to the moment,
I’ll always have music.

~Michael Jackson~

Album Cover by Christie Brinkley

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the Mountains of Faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin’ for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it’s too hard to cross
even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I’ve been looking for
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the Valley of Fear
To a river so deep
I’ve been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I’d never lose
Something somebody stole
I don’t know why I go walking at night
But now I’m tired and I don’t want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I’ve been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the Jungle of Doubt
To the river so deep
I know I’m searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I’ve never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin’ to the promised land

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the Desert of Truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We’re all carried along
By the River of Dreams
In the middle of the night

~ Billy Joel ~

Excerpts from cnn.com:

CEBU, Philippines (CNN) — Amid the tropical heat of a Philippine prison, convicted murderers, rapists and drug dealers on Saturday paid tribute to Michael Jackson with a reprise of their YouTube dance hit, “Thriller.”

A rendition of Jackson’s 1980s smash hit by prisoners at the Cebu Detention and Rehabilitation Center in the central Philippines garnered more than 24 million views since 2007, when prison supervisor Byron Garcia first uploaded it to the video-sharing Web site.

Dancing was introduced at the prison in 2007, as a means of rehabilitating prisoners at a facility once notorious for its gang problem.

He said it gives them a renewed sense of worth and confidence, breaking them of their violent ways. He is convinced his prison is a model for prison authorities everywhere, an example of how to crack the plague of violent prison gangs.

“It brought back their self esteem. We have happy inmates now — we don’t want to go back to the old jail where we had mad, sad inmates,” he said.

In searing temperatures, 1,400 men in bright orange tracksuits performed the 15-minute “Thriller” routine perfectly. They rehearsed for 10 hours the previous day, finally stopping at 3 a.m. to rest ahead of the show.

The superbly-choreographed moves, energy and obvious enthusiasm of the prisoners had the audience — swelled by journalists from around the world — captivated the audience. Several inmates even invited people from the crowd to dance with them.

“I never thought I would ever find myself dancing with a prisoner,” one excited local said.

A local journalist even described the performance as Asia’s best way of paying tribute to Jackson.

Garcia, who says the prison has witnessed no violence in three years, paid tribute to the performers. “I’m so proud of them,” he said. “They got the dance exactly right.”