Continuing along the lines of my last post, Becoming, yesterday the word was Love. So the hand on the heart pledge to myself was because I am not afraid, I will step into my greatness, I will step into all that I really am and I will experience my Love. I will bring this Love to all that I do today. If faced with a challenging situation, I will ask:
What would Love bring to this situation?
I noted it didn’t have to be a challenging situation, it could just be an unwanted thought. Yesterday I had a scary thought, so I asked what would Love bring to this thought? Scary thought went poof into the ethers because I was no longer giving any thought to it.
Today the word is wisdom. In the shower today, I had another scary thought. Now wisdom really requires me to step up my game here so to speak, because we are talking about identity here. What am I giving the “I am” to? Wisdom asked: what was I giving myself to in the scary thought? The I am, the identity statement was I am not a good enough Mom which is really long hand for “bad Mom”. First of all, wisdom said: does a “bad” Mom worry about whether she is good enough? Hmmm, I don’t think so. But let’s grant the belief anyway, even if it is making less sense by the second. Wisdom said, Be Still and let yourself be open to receiving the knowledge that you are a loving, caring, good Mom. And in the shower, I was “flooded” – how appropriate, eh? for being in the shower – with memories and images of all the Kodak moments of me as a wonderful Mom and all the accompanying feelings that go with wonderful, loving, caring, and present Mom.
Wisdom said: it’s up to you now which Mom you want to give yourself to. You get to be on your side, you also get to be not on your side. It’s your call. Yes, it is always my call. And today it’s a no brainer, of course I’m on my side. But I’ve had my moments where it wasn’t a no brainer, I went with being not on my side. Those are the moments I will now bring surrender to. When I can’t do it by myself, I call to Something greater than me. I don’t know what that Something is but I know it’s there and I know it’s benevolent and I know it’s on my side. Surrender itself is being on my side, too. Anyway I can get there, that’s where I point my compass.
Thank you wisdom or as Alanis Morissette would say: thank you clarity, thank you silence.
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i love the way you write and thank you for sharing your life, heart, process, soul and silence with us…
(as always)
when you wanted to comment on my blog and i was writing my blog actually i thought of you and that there are similar things going on in our lives, oh maybe not the things themselves but very much the feeling of these … i have a cat-child who is leaving now, she is 16 and opting out, i have no 2 legged kids and she is the last of my older “batch” the ones that came from montana with me… the ones that “knew me when”… its a very strange experience for me, the end of an era? i do not know…
at our “house” that we left last year, a year ago… we buried one dog-child and one cat-child in the garden we built in our front yard
last fall my then oldest dog-child passed and now it looks as if the next oldest, stachie, is leaving… i look at who i have been to and with them for these many years, 16, of my life and who they have been with me ….
im not spending alot of time on this but the scary thoughts the thoughts that say i somehow have not done well enough by her to have her desire to live to… 100? lol These thoughts in the wind are not true nor are they going to take hold…
i have loved every being that has touched my life, every leaf on every plant every rock in the driveway… i love, i am love evene when i dont find the highest expression of it in a moment… i am love and am loved.
thanks for another opportunity (O: xoam
LOL i LOVE it that somehow wordpress has never lost my blue jammies profile pic and it still expresses me!
This is beautiful AnnMarie. I remember hearing Oprah wonder when one of her dogs died, had she been there enough for her or him, as the case may be. And I guess what you illustrate here, is don’t spend much time worrying about that, think about how you loved and loved and then loved some more. The moments that you reach out and touch them and that touch is a life of its own, it speaks volumes about what our heart has to say. Oh, if only, they lived longer but they don’t and they teach us more about loving and letting go than anyone does, imo. May I always remember that, even through the tears.